This is us.

This may be the end but I’d still want to be reminded of how good this “relationship” was. And it’s all my random, jumbled thoughts so forgive me if it won’t make a lot of sense.

• Seeing you in COSMOS for the first time
• Singing with you during random times
• Singing with you at the talent show
• Seeing you at the movie theater with your family
• Saying goodbye
• Seeing you at the buffet after COSMOS
• Blank
• Facebook
• Oovoo
• Skype
• No regrets - I like you
• Asking you to prom
• You coming down to SD and meeting Hazel and Daniel
• Bibimbap
• Mild culture shock because of the SD dance
• Talking - being content
• Prom 2
• Karaoke
• the chair
• Almost kiss 
• Waiting for the right time
• Being scared - no pressure
• Didn’t happen - regret
• Me and Jolly at Starbucks deciding to drive to LA with Kristel
• The pier
• Ferris Wheel
• kiss
• “Did you know we were gonna kiss there?” “No, but I was hoping we would.”
• Beside the pier. Triangle - perfect
• Going to PI
• “Breaking up”
• Three weeks in
• “Let’s give this a try”
• “Will you work this out with me?”
• Germany. Brown.

I might be sad that we didn’t last as long as I thought we would (which is basically the rest of our lives), but I’m not bitter. Thank you for always being the practical and realistic one. Thank you for being objective and looking at this from a “friend’s perspective”. Hurts a bit (: So if you don’t mind, I’ll do my best not to love you and feel that same way. And I’m doing it all over again (: but it’s all good. I’ll be great. And you are too.

Bye.  

I received your call. And I answered and said “Hello?” a couple of times. But it just dropped. Call me please. 

Let’s work this out.

No singing for a while :|

I realized that as I graduated in high school here, I was worried with people keeping in touch and whatnot. Like I would say that whenever we see each other in the future, it should be like nothing changed. Friends forever ba. No strangers.

But I realized that out of all my friends, I’m the one most in danger of doing that. I’m the one who’s most likely to move on to “better” things, to meet “better” people and forge good relationships with them, at the same time, pursue different opportunities. I realized na when I said sa mga high school friends to keep in touch, it was more like a command for me. Kasi I do notice too that a friend must definitely try (and sometimes try hard) para makakeep in touch sakin. And I think that’s bad… I feel inadequate as a friend.

I don’t know. I just realized and thought I wanted to share.

Will came out today. In our heterosexism workshop.

I’m sorry :(

I haven’t been holding my side of our relationship well. I can make excuses and say that our days are just incredibly full but I should be sacrificing time for you. And I guess I just abused the fact that you’re an independent person and that you’re doing your thing. 

Really sorry :(

It’s 1:17. I need to sleep -__-

Apparently, we have a full and jam-packed day tomorrow.

• SAYING GOODBYE. So I had this goodbye thing that blew up into a “party”. I felt so lame ‘cause had I known people were gonna stay, I woulda had more food, know! I just thought they were gonna say goodbye and leave. But yea, most of them stayed until we drove to the airport. So they were all outside my house as we drove past. Maaannn, I couldn’t even look back ‘cause if I did, I woulda bawled. But no, I actually didn’t cry throughout the whole thing. Well, maybe once when we were in…
• THE FLIGHT. It was relatively smooth actually. I think it’s because I already knew how everything worked. Connecting flights, as always are pain in the butt, but we got through. Also it was less boring kasi andun si Ate and she had internet in her phone. So no need to bring out my laptop or anything.
• BROWN. You know what, a lot of things have happened already that the first days of me being here are so fuzzy right now. I just remember that it was so humid… like the air can be your lotion. And I was operating on a sleep-and-comfort-deprived body and we were just scrambling to shop for everything I needed. Pagod pagod talaga.
• CATALYST. Suuchhh an aaaawwweessoome experience. I met GREAT people and I am so happy that we became friends before the school year even started. So there’s like 15 of us and we’re hecka close and Idk, I’m just happy I was part of it. Now, more and more people are trickling and moving in because of TWTP (it’s a pre-orientation program). Nga pala, we went to the mall today for the first time. And I also did my laundry for the first time here. Cool story tho.

FUN FACTS:

• In general, people in RI are nice. Like we can talk to strangers and they’d be nice enough to give us directions and whatnot.
• In general, people in Brown are HHHHEECCKKKA awesome. Like I’ve been spending the past days just introducing myself and it would usually go like this:

Me: Hi, my name is Russyan.
Them: Oh, like the country?
Me: Yea, like people from Russia except that I is Y.

• And I’m getting tired of it but I know I’ll be saying that like a thousand more times.
• And people can just go up to each other and talk. Like, CLICK. There we go.
• RI people have nothing much to be proud of (like landmarks and whatnot) except for the fact that Brown is here.
• Emma Watson is just gorgeous… even without make up. (No, I haven’t seen her. I was just told).
• I guess that would be it… for now. Imma post pictures up! I’ve been posting up pictures of buildings and stuff. So yea.

I love you, beb!

• That is so cool! I’m glad you’re liking it there.
• I told you: Europe is hecka liberated. Like if you compare Americans, we’d be conservative. That explains all the PDA and stuff. Maybe when I go there, we can do all those :P siiiiikke.
• I’m glad you feel safe. Just don’t go around at night during that time tho. I mean you never know. But just be careful. For me. And for you too. Hehe
• Your family looks like they’re awesome. Your host sister added me on Facebook and she introduced herself and whatnot. I looked at her page and she put you as her sister in there. I literally said “AWWWW” out loud. Is that how nice everyone is there?
• Do you live in a dorm, or with your host family?

I love you!

Around 12, my sister and I went to Jollibee because I was hungry. Tahaa. We ended up talking about our future, and present situation, the way we think, the way we dream. I’m happy na nakausap ko sha nang ganun because it’s one of the few times I saw what’s inside her mind and her heart. It sucks nga lang kasi it only happened now when the days are numbered. But nevertheless, it’s a good thing.

Hello Babe,

These are the moments when distance really sucks. Sooooo, I can only look at our moments apart as debts so that when we see each other, we’re gonna pay for all of those. LOL I don’t know if that makes sense. Buuutttt, here are the things I’d do if I was with you during your birthday.

1) Of course, sing happy birthday. But in the loudest, most terrible way I can… like how they usually do in classes when everyone sings in different keys. Tahaa
2) Say, “Eww, you’re old!”
3) Make you eat as much of the food that was prepared for you.
4) Sing karaoke with you. If not, then we can just use a guitar or Icee and jam ‘til we drop.
5) Listen hard when you wish so we can make them come true.
6) Kiss you wherever you want and however many times you want.
7) Pray with you.

I want you to know that I am thankful for having someone as loving as you. You are the reason I can smile when I look at myself in the mirror. You make me believe that the world is small, and that every place in it can be reached. You keep me looking forward. You make me proud, not just of being with you, but knowing someone like you. Close your eyes, listen to the noises. Listen to the silence. You are surrounded by people who love you. You are blessed. 

I love you. I know I don’t say it as much, but that’s because I want to say it only whenever I’m bursting out and all I can do to relieve that is by telling you. So when I do, trust that I mean every bit of it.

Happy birthday, Christine. I’m praying for all the best for my girl.

1) Mama: she wants a book. A “good” book. Idk what to get her -__-
2) Ate: I already got her Beyonce’s 4.
3) Ate Niel:
4) Tita Gie:
5) Tito Thenie:

Ehhhhhhh.

I should write a goodbye letter for all of them too. Hmm